Life Hack: Print Out Webpages Into a Book So Everyone Will Think You’re More Sophisticated Than They Are

            It’s a well proven fact that modern technology has ruined our relationships, and society in general. We’ve given up the ability to make shallow small talk with strangers on the bus who just can’t seem to leave us alone in exchange for the paltry ability to speak instantly to our loved ones from around the world. For the pale and trifling sum of having the world’s knowledge available at our fingertips in an easily verifiable manner, we have lost the immeasurable joy of talking out of our ass about the facts as we half-remember them for hours, weeks, years, until we have time to go to the library, or to an expert whom we personally know, and confirm our convictions.

            Since internet culture has become more and more popular and mainstream, well educated socially conscious special people--the guardians of society--have warned us of such dangers, as well as others. But the poor masses, doomed forever to roam the earth as ignorant children in need of guidance, have stubbornly refused to heed the call, and have persisted to so foolishly enjoy themselves without moral umbrage.

           

            Prove you’re smarter than all that with this amazing Lifehack! Following these simple instructions will turn any socially malignant webpage into a good ol’ traditional book.

1.    Type the URL of the desired book into your browser

 

This, unfortunately, requires actually operating a computer, but at least it is in the privacy of your own home, so nobody will know. Later, you can confess your sins to your local priest. Be sure to put on gloves and eye protection to protect yourself from the evil machine’s harmful mind rays. They may make you fall asleep and turn into a sheeple.

2.     When the page is loaded, go to File > Print, or simply press Command+P

3. Repeat until you have printed out every page of the website

This could take some time…

4. Staple the pages together

           

            Once printed, staple the pages together. If desired, place them into a manila envelope or bind the pages together and create your own DIY cover for extra hipster points!

5. Enjoy!

Voila!—that’s French for you masses of uncultured swine—enjoy your newfangled piece of literature! It may not be as convenient as a webpage, but any pretentious snob will tell you that it’s the older, and therefore superior, medium.

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            Be sure to take your new library with you on the bus, to your favorite coffee place, or other places where insufferable pseudo intellectuals like to congregate. When people ask why you’re carrying around a suitcase full of hundreds of papers, binders and folders, make sure to announce in a self-satisfied tone—“oh, this? Why this is a book. Ever head of one? You see, I don’t do internet anymore. I feel you can only really appreciate written communication in its pure form. Not flipping through a phone like some sort of mindless zombie.”

            When some unwashed rube tries to sully your eyes with whatever base, trivial thing is trending online, guide him along his way: “yah, I guess reddit is alright…sometimes—but have you read the book?”

           

            Be sure to talk down to those lesser than you. Tell them to take their face out of their phone and urge them to “wake up” unironically. By no means mind your own business. If possible, distribute leaflets educating them of their misguided way of life.

            While it might not seem like much on its own, this is merely one of a myriad of ways you can stay behind the curve, steadfastly resisting a world in constant flux, in which familiarity with technology is an increasingly vital part of everyday life, your career, and competently interacting with society as a whole.

            Now, hurry, do it before everyone else does and it becomes adult uncool!

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Think of the Children:

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On Why Fun is Dangerous

Recreational Activism:

5 Ways to Change the

World Without Lifting A Finger