The World According to Carl Sagan

For the last few weeks I have been watching the original Cosmos PBS series with Carl Sagan, as well as many of his interviews.

Sagan is an advocate for science in two ways--first, an advocate of the public understanding of  scientific principles, but secondly for a sort of world order that many scientists seem to promote as ideal. He has no trouble being an advocate of a scientific political agenda, which he supports both through his influence in the scientific community, as a celebrity, and in his many books and television programs such as this one.

What would the world of the scientists be like? What Utopia do men like Sagan envision as they attempt to shepherd mankind to it?

One imagines a rather restrictive, some may even argue fascist, world in some ways. But also one of great prosperity and humanism.

Men would no longer go about trying to dominate one another through wars, through economy, through ideology, through social hierarchy, or otherwise. They would be of one culture--the planetary culture of Earth. Of one nation-the planet Earth. One government--the World government.

Humans would live in a classless society, a single nation at peace everywhere. People of all shapes and sizes, man or woman, fit and thin, athletic to physically disabled,  no physical difference would have any significance, because it was no longer of any relevance. Man would be not a body, but a collection of many organs whose full duty was to service the mind.

And since mankind was no longer involved in any of those activities--having outgrown them, considering them an embarrassing barbarism of youth, before the enlightened era had fully manifested itself--what, then, did mankind do?

Well, of course--science. There each man would sit, clad in identical sky-blue turtlenecks, carefully monitoring and measuring the condition of the earth. Its temperature, the thickness of its ozone layer, and its over all condition. A nurse monitoring the vital signs of an inert patient. Protecting it from meteorites and gamma ray bursts using funding for ever-more advanced technology.

Society would be, at this stage, a perfectly rational and organized machine. Monitored constantly and continually refined for maximum efficiency. And with wealth and resources distributed to each according to his fullest desire, with plenty and abundance for all, due to the advances in the technologies which feed a very high quality of life, the world over.

And so men would have nothing left to do but to pursue knowledge.A world of scholars, engineers and Laputian measure-ers. Turning their attention to curing the last few ailments of mankind, and forever probing the cosmos for new information to discover. There would be, of course, a place in society for the passions, but these were to be satisfied by high art--sophisticated art, the cerebral and the conceptual. And, of course, all such media would be subject to approval by the state as beneficial to society and its emotional well-being. Nothing too course, or too vulgar as to reawaken man's more base desires. Such things were to be regarded as a threat, and such artists were chastised both by the state and by its citizens alike. There would be also an over-representation of the societal importance of Bach, incidentally.

There would be of course, many who argued that man had the right to live in a free society, and that we must not be too totalitarian in the name of rationality, equity, and peace. So, such allowances would be provided. There would be a place in the World Society for these notions as well.

For example, there would be, officially, a free market. Men would be free to design whatever new devices their wildest imaginations could devise. However, all products were subject to strict evaluation. Nothing that was deemed detrimental to the well-being of the Earth or human society would be allowed to be produced. By the well-being of the Earth, it would be understood that this meant that it does not in any way affect the Earth's flora and fauna, or affect its overall climate, or disrupt in any way the perfectly maintained balance of the planet. The well-being of human society might include forbidding the stimulus of too much of the negative human impulses of physical or verbal violence, social or sexual domination, and selfishness or intolerance. And obviously, the largest industry of all, formerly of war, would now be the production of scientific technologies. 

So it was that, like the philosophers once dreamt of a world ruled by Philosopher-kings, so too the scientists dream of a World Republic of Scientist-kings. As Sagan himself often stated, it is perhaps man's eternal fate to put himself at the center of every universe he imagines.

This Utopia, this World Republic of Scientist-kings, would march on and on, gaining ever more knowledge and with it power over the natural world…the solar system…the cosmos. Growing ever more enlightened and sophisticated. Stretching to the edges of the galaxy. And along the way,  perhaps finding other creatures, themselves as peaceful, enlightened, and dedicated to science as our Earthly Scientist-kings. And we would then, sooner or later, join with them to exchange knowledge and technology, and ultimately further assimilate all of life into the now Universal Society. A Universal Life. One universe becoming ever more conscious of itself. The Universal Life becoming a guardian and master of the entire universe.

In effect, mankind, perhaps along with the intelligent beings of other worlds, becoming the very God that mankind had imagined in the beginning. Omniscient, omnipotent, and all-loving. A God created out of man, and brought forth through the powers of man--that is, science.

It is at once a terrifyingly surreal, but also inspiring thought.

Mash up of many interviews and parts of Cosmos:
https://youtu.be/MrZ4197C1I0

Cosmos (1980):
https://youtu.be/T6C9taivF40

Life Hack: Print Out Webpages Into a Book So Everyone Will Think You’re More Sophisticated Than They Are

            It’s a well proven fact that modern technology has ruined our relationships, and society in general. We’ve given up the ability to make shallow small talk with strangers on the bus who just can’t seem to leave us alone in exchange for the paltry ability to speak instantly to our loved ones from around the world. For the pale and trifling sum of having the world’s knowledge available at our fingertips in an easily verifiable manner, we have lost the immeasurable joy of talking out of our ass about the facts as we half-remember them for hours, weeks, years, until we have time to go to the library, or to an expert whom we personally know, and confirm our convictions.

            Since internet culture has become more and more popular and mainstream, well educated socially conscious special people--the guardians of society--have warned us of such dangers, as well as others. But the poor masses, doomed forever to roam the earth as ignorant children in need of guidance, have stubbornly refused to heed the call, and have persisted to so foolishly enjoy themselves without moral umbrage.

           

            Prove you’re smarter than all that with this amazing Lifehack! Following these simple instructions will turn any socially malignant webpage into a good ol’ traditional book.

1.    Type the URL of the desired book into your browser

 

This, unfortunately, requires actually operating a computer, but at least it is in the privacy of your own home, so nobody will know. Later, you can confess your sins to your local priest. Be sure to put on gloves and eye protection to protect yourself from the evil machine’s harmful mind rays. They may make you fall asleep and turn into a sheeple.

2.     When the page is loaded, go to File > Print, or simply press Command+P

3. Repeat until you have printed out every page of the website

This could take some time…

4. Staple the pages together

           

            Once printed, staple the pages together. If desired, place them into a manila envelope or bind the pages together and create your own DIY cover for extra hipster points!

5. Enjoy!

Voila!—that’s French for you masses of uncultured swine—enjoy your newfangled piece of literature! It may not be as convenient as a webpage, but any pretentious snob will tell you that it’s the older, and therefore superior, medium.

-----

            Be sure to take your new library with you on the bus, to your favorite coffee place, or other places where insufferable pseudo intellectuals like to congregate. When people ask why you’re carrying around a suitcase full of hundreds of papers, binders and folders, make sure to announce in a self-satisfied tone—“oh, this? Why this is a book. Ever head of one? You see, I don’t do internet anymore. I feel you can only really appreciate written communication in its pure form. Not flipping through a phone like some sort of mindless zombie.”

            When some unwashed rube tries to sully your eyes with whatever base, trivial thing is trending online, guide him along his way: “yah, I guess reddit is alright…sometimes—but have you read the book?”

           

            Be sure to talk down to those lesser than you. Tell them to take their face out of their phone and urge them to “wake up” unironically. By no means mind your own business. If possible, distribute leaflets educating them of their misguided way of life.

            While it might not seem like much on its own, this is merely one of a myriad of ways you can stay behind the curve, steadfastly resisting a world in constant flux, in which familiarity with technology is an increasingly vital part of everyday life, your career, and competently interacting with society as a whole.

            Now, hurry, do it before everyone else does and it becomes adult uncool!

Also from Lifehacker (recommended for you):

Adapt or Don’t:

20 New Gadgets To

Drag Your Feet On

Throwing Your Lot In With

The Amish

10 Reasons why Kids

These Days are Such Brats

How to Shop for Your

First Pair of Adult Diapers

Think of the Children:

A Concerned Mother

On Why Fun is Dangerous

Recreational Activism:

5 Ways to Change the

World Without Lifting A Finger

The Story of Abraham

Muslims, Jews, Christians--they don't exactly see eye to eye on everything. But, they all agree on one thing: Abraham is the coolest guy ever. He's the father of both the original, kosher bible club, and all of its many spinoffs. Yet, his story is relatively obscure next to the more poplar sequels, your Moseses and your Mohammeds, and I suppose, for some, maybe your Joseph Smithses, or what have you. But Abraham did it first, so let's take a look at his story and hopefully we can figure out what has made so many people dedicate their entire lives to this no doubt fine specimen of human excellence.

So, basically, Abraham was a very rich guy who moved all of his family from a place called Ur--yes, "Ur." It was the olden days so I assume it had been named by some sort of caveman who had started the city a few years prior--into a land called Canaan because he said God gave the land unto him, even though the Canaanites were already living there. Did I mention that this guy was the first Jew? Anyways, so Abraham was super rich, like Steve Jobs, except back then instead of iPhones and stuff they mostly just had goats. This was before credit cards, before paper money--a lot of people in places that were at the HEIGHT of civilization were still on the fucking barter system back then. No electricity, not even steam engines. The best technology ran on Ox power. Like they were the fucking Flintstones. No astronomy, no medical science, no science period. Philosophy hadn't even been fucking invented. Thinking had just been invented last Tuesday and was still in beta testing. All this is just to put into context how primitive these people were in whose understanding of the world we put our unconditional faith.

Anyways, so Abraham, the Steve Jobs of the thriving goat herding industry, was sleeping in his grass hut or whatever, when God apparently started talking to him and telling him to do shit. And so the next day he called together all his goats, and his slaves--because he owned a LOT of slaves--and his handmaidens and his whole entourage and he tells them all about the conversation he just had with God (so cult family members reading this, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but Abraham beat you by a few thousand years). And they all fucking believe him, of course, because once again, this is before modern inventions--like evidence. Abraham couldn't record God on his cellphone camera, he couldn't even take an 1800s grainy sepia tone photograph. If something happened and you wanted to record it back then, you had to paint a fucking picture of it--and not a good, Michelangelo oil painting either. The best they had back then were basically stick figures, and you had to chisel them out of a clay tablet. Why? Because there was not even. fucking. paper. So, everyone just had to take his word for it. And, we've been taking his word for it ever since.

So, Abraham tells all his goats and handmaidens the amazing news that omnipotent God decided to give to him. Was it, maybe, the secret to electricity? Penicillin? No. Much, much, better. God commands that he cut the tip of his dick off. Just put yourself in one of these slaves' shoes for a minute. Imagine, for example, you've got a boss that's a little bit loony tunes, and one day you come into work and he starts talking to you about his conversations with God, the omnipotent creator of the universe. And last night God told him to mutilate his penis. Oh wait, it gets scarier. Because not only are you this guys employee, but you have to live with him on his estate. He's your roommate--and landlord! And he has complete power over you. He can starve you, he can leave you out naked in the cold, he can beat you, he can rape you, he can sell you to someone else who can do the same and worse because he literally OWNS you. And then he starts talking about how God told him to mutilate his penis. That's about where you stand as a slave at this point in the story. But wait, we're not done yet. It still gets better. Not only, Abraham continues, does God command that HE cuts off the tip of HIS dick, but every male in the household--including his slaves--also gets their dick off, too. That means you! And this is going to be an ongoing thing from now on. If he buys anyone else from some other rich goat tycoon at some later date--welcome new recruit to the Abraham family, here is your complimentary welcome basket complete with getting the tip of your dick cut off.

Then we cut to the B story with Lot in Sodom and Gomorrah where God rains burning sulfur on the city, thus putting an end to sodomy once and for all. Lot's wife gets turned to salt, but that's okay because Lots daughters have drunken sex with their father, thus ensuring the family line continues. Because God might find gay sex icky, but father-daughter incest on the other hand, is super hot! Between that and the unhealthy obsession with forced circumcision, I'm beginning to think God might have an interesting youporn search history. Well, you know, I guess it's always the guys that seem so puritanical on the outside…can't judge a book by its cover and all that… Now back to Abraham.

So, Abraham keeps talking to God and chopping people's dick head skin off for a number of years. God, seeing as how he already promised Abraham all of that land that already belonged to other people, decides that maybe Abraham needs to get around to having a son, seeing as how him and his wife are in their 90s and childless, otherwise his covenant might end a bit prematurely, and his chosen people wouldn't be around to get choosed. And that would ruin his whole third act with all those handsome Nazi uniforms. So God hands Abraham a bottle of his newest creation, Viagra, and commands Abraham to have saggy, wrinkly, 90-year-old sex with his geriatric wife. Okay, so far, so good. God demands old person sex.…certainly fits in with his unusual sexual fixations, but no harm done I suppose. Well, until God starts telling Abraham to start killing people. Darn. Talking to God always seems to be going so well until he starts commanding you to kill. So God tells Abraham to sacrifice his son, Quetzalcoatl style, on top of a mountain. So Abraham gets on his donkey and tells Isaac they're going on a little trip to Disneyland. Yay!

Some might consider the next part of the story to be blatant emotional and psychological abuse towards Abraham, not to mention his son. But you decide. Imagine you're the son of this psychopath who mutilates his slaves and claims to speak to God, as we've already established. One day, pops calls you to come help perform a sacrifice. You gather up some firewood, and an axe, and your good sacrificial blood collecting bucket, and you head up the mountain. But, somethings missing. "Don't we need to pack a sacrificial animal?" You ask.  "Oh, I'm sure God will provide someone--er I mean, something" says Abe, shifting his eyes from side to side menacingly. Oh shit. It's the day I always feared. Pa's finally gone and snapped. Or so Isaac presumably began to think. Or perhaps not. It seems people were a little bit more naive back then because when they get to the top of the mountain Isaac allows Abraham to tie him up over the firewood like Joan of Arc about to be burned at the stake, and shows no sign of struggle. Or maybe he was just the most retarded kid ever. Anyways, at the last minute, just as Abraham is pouring lighter fluid over little Isaac's head, God sends a lamb to sacrifice and informs Abraham that he just got punk'd. So, God didn't actually have Abraham kill anyone (THIS time). Instead, he was just up to one of his rascally old tricks. But, if he hadn't, Abraham would have totally been down to slit his own son's throat and burn his little body to the voices in his head. No doubt about it. At this point, any reasonable person would have gotten the fuck out of there. Maybe he could run away to Uncle Lot's house…sure, he'd have to worry about keeping him away from the liquor cabinet but at least then no one's trying to kill him. But, instead, Isaac seems to be unfazed by the attempted murder. They all have a good laugh and God gives them all a PSA about the "importance of faith."

That's the point of the story that we are supposed to take from it, it was a test of his faith. To see how far Abraham would go for his religion. And this steadfast, unwilling-to-compromise faith has remained a cornerstone of Abrahamic religion ever since. If you aren't willing to kill for God, what good are you?

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of Abraham, father of the Jewish, Muslim and Christian religions.  Explains a lot, doesn't it? Thousands of years later, as we sit in our air-conditioned houses tapping away on laptop computers capable of transmitting data from here to Jerusalem in seconds, people continue to follow this man who would by modern standards be a criminally insane schizophrenic. Not to mention ignorant to the point of apparent mental retardation. And not just a few people. Millions of them. In fact, an overwhelming MAJORITY.

And they demand, of course,  that you respect their religion.